My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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