does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize