I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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