Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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