Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
