I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
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Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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