there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
