He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
