He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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