Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
