i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
