I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
