I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
how does that bad decision feel?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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