i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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