Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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