Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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