Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
