I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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