Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
