dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
