did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What did we do last night that was yellow?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
