Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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