I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
