she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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