I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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