R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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