Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
