There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
