The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The Olympian is in my bed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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