I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
