I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
