Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
