so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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