Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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