1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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