I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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