Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's even glitter on my cock...
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