1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
