my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He shit in the fireplace
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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