Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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