I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian