1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.