can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again