Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger