I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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