Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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