my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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