I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
