guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
