apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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