Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
