pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
