My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
