East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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