The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dear god my vagina.
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