did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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