So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize