Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
