I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
