it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
