Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
