were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
