Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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